


Learning To Feel

by celticheart72



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Androids, Artificial Intelligence, Cybernetics, Cyborgs, Data (Star Trek)'s Emotion Chip, Emotional Data (Star Trek), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Interspecies Relationship(s), Romulans, flashback to mutilation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2019-11-03 15:33:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17880422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celticheart72/pseuds/celticheart72
Summary: Commandar Data has struggled since he was reactivated to be more human. A strange new Ensign comes aboard the Enterprise who struggles to regain her lost human identity. Together can they learn to feel?I do not own any of Star Trek TNG, only my own original characters and ideas.





	1. Chapter 1

After everything I’d been through I was demoted from Lieutenant Commander to Ensign and assigned to the Enterprise. When my old friend, Beverly Crusher, found out I was still alive she immediately requested my transfer to Starfleet’s flagship. Frankly I believed that was the _only_ thing that saved me from being terminated outright. My demotion though, that was a slap to the face when I'd never done anything wrong in the first place after dedicating a lifetime to improving medicine throughout the Federation.

Beverly met me in the transporter room when I beamed aboard from Starfleet Command. She greeted me warmly with a hug I barely felt and smiled as she looked me over, still in utter disbelief that I was alive. If that was what you called what I was after all was said and done. We sat in her office while I told her everything that happened over the course of the last year. All of the horrible details up to my demotion. She was the only one so far who knew. Then again she had been the only one who asked or actually cared. Starfleet Command certainly hadn’t.

"Captain Picard has to know Viv. I can promise you he will not treat you differently. Data is the second officer of the Enterprise and Jean-Luc treats him the same as he does everyone else."

I continued to pace her office in front of her desk before stilling myself. Righting my posture I turned to look at her which seemed to unnerve her slightly. "See? Even you seem unsettled by me."

Beverly shook her head as she stood and moved around her desk to stand next to me. "Not unsettled Viv. Still in shock is more accurate." She laid a hand on my shoulder, the cybernetic one which I could not feel. "I know you but you’re different. All of the mannerisms and quirks that made you Vivienne Carmody seem to have been erased. You're not the same woman I went to the academy with, or served with in Starfleet Medical. You're withdrawn, angry. And you seem...wooden."

Folding my arms across my chest I turned my head to look at her as I felt my jaw work itself back and forth in anticipation of my words. "No Beverly I'm not the same woman. I'm less than half human now. For all intents and purposes Starfleet has deemed Lieutenant Commander Vivienne Carmody deceased. So the woman you see before you is Unit 57615 as evidenced in my personnel file, they allowed me to keep my human name as a courtesy but will not allow Unit 57615’s file to merge with that of Vivienne Carmody’s. I am Vivienne Carmody but I am not Vivienne Carmody. I can guarantee if you had not requested my transfer to this ship Admiral Desak would have had me destroyed rather than simply dehumanized and demoted."

Beverly seemed surprised by my revelation. "There should have been a hearing. You mean there wasn't?"

"No."

"Captain Picard to Dr. Crusher."

Beverly tapped her combadge. "Dr. Crusher here."

"Report to my ready room with Ensign Carmody."

"On our way."

I shared a look with Beverly that I hoped conveyed my trepidation. Hopefully Captain Picard hadn't received some order from Starfleet to beam me out into space effectively washing their hands of me. As we walked I paid little attention to those around us and their reactions to me. On the outside I still looked fully human. However, Beverly's description of me as wooden was probably a fully accurate one. I still didn’t move fluidly, over half of my body was cybernetic implant and I’d never gotten used to it. So I was sure my movement appeared robotic to those around me. When the turbolift doors opened to the bridge I hesitated before stepping out behind Beverly. Keeping my hands behind my back I inclined my head to the Klingon glaring at me and turned to follow Beverly down the ramp toward what I assumed was the Captain’s ready room. All eyes were on me, I knew it was strictly general curiosity about the new medical officer. None of them knew what I was.

My eyes caught sight of Commander Data as I walked. He turned in his chair at the helm to observe me and I saw as he inclined his head and studied my movement. I gave him the same gesture of greeting I gave to the Klingon and stood next to Beverly in front of Captain Picard's ready room door. She ran her finger over the call screen and the door slid open when we heard the Captain's response.

The Captain was seated on the couch to the right of the door with a book in his hand. His eyes lifted when we stood in front of him and I came to attention.

"Ensign Vivienne Carmody reporting to the Enterprise for duty sir."

"At ease Ensign Carmody." He stood and walked to sit behind his desk while gesturing to the chairs in front of it.

Beverly sat down and looked to me as she motioned with her eyes to the chair next to her. I dropped quickly down into the chair and yanked my blue uniform shirt down as I did so.

"Dr. Crusher you requested this meeting due to some anomalies in Ensign Carmody’s medical file you felt I needed to be aware of?"

"Anomalies. That's an interesting way to put it Beverly." I snarked as I turned to look at my friend.

Captain Picard raised an eyebrow at my snark. "Ensign Carmody, you will find that I am tolerant of and encourage the familiarity amongst my crew. It is, in part, what has made the Enterprise what it is. However, I am not fond of snark in general. Especially towards Senior Officers."

"I apologize sir." I dropped my eyes to my hands which were laying on my thighs. "I am still..." Looking to Beverly again I chewed my lip. One of few human quirks I had remaining. "...angry."

Beverly lifted a hand and reached out as if to placate the Captain. "Jean-Luc, she has a lot of reason to be angry. She's lived through what few humans could. There's no other way to say it but for all intents and purposes she's a cyborg...." She didn’t get to continue.

The Captain looked surprised and turned to face me fully. "You were assimilated by the Borg and survived?"

" _That_ might have been easier to accept. No Captain Picard." I took a deep breath as I defiantly lifted my chin and looked directly at him. "I was assimilated by Starfleet.”

"Assimilated by Starfleet?" The Captain looked both surprised and concerned by my words. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

"Since first contact with the Borg Starfleet Medical and Cybernetics experts have been working on finding ways to reverse the assimilation process. But they have been unsuccessful in capturing Borg drones to study and attempt ‘de-assimilation’ if you will. So a few cybernetics researchers opted to create their own drone to experiment on.”

He leaned forward over his desk. “You...volunteered for that?”

“No. I was taken from my lab one evening while I was working. Essentially cut apart, limbs and organs removed and replaced with cybernetic implants. I’m less than half human at this point. Their plan was to do this, and then see if they could reverse the process somehow. After nearly a year of replacement and experimentation they realized they’d gone too far with me and needed another drone. They made the mistake of taking a Starfleet Academy student who happened to be an Admiral’s daughter. When they found her they found me. Lieutenant Commander Vivienne Carmody had been declared dead by that point.”

Captain Picard studied me for a moment before picking up a holopad and tapping on it. “Your personnel file simply indicates you carry Lieutenant Commander Vivienne Carmody’s memories. As if you are no more than a memory bank.”

I nodded. “That is how Starfleet classifies me. Which is why I am designated as Unit 57615 in my current file.”

“I have reviewed your current file as well as that of Lieutenant Commander Carmody. You are a gifted physician and cybernetics engineer.”

“I was.”

“Dr. Crusher would you leave us?”

Beverly looked between myself and the Captain, as if unsure of one or both of our safety with the other. I simply nodded. “I will be fine, so will the Captain.”

She stood and left the ready room.

Captain Picard stood and moved to the food unit then looked my way. “May I offer you something to drink?”

“No.” The human side of my brain kicked in and reminded me of my manners. “Thank you.”

He smiled slightly then looked down at the food unit. “Tea. Earle Grey. Hot.” When the unit synthesized his request he picked it up and carried it to his desk where he sat back down. After a moment of uncomfortable silence he looked directly me. “On this ship you will be known as Ensign Vivienne Carmody because THAT is who you are. I do not know what Admiral Desak’s motivation was in labeling you as he has and as this occurred prior to your transfer here it is not within my purview to pursue it. However, understand that regardless of how he has labelled you in this…” He lifted the holopad again and tossed it aside. “...farce of a personnel file, while you are on this ship and under my command, _you_ are a sentient living being and not Unit 57615.”

I felt like the tin man at times with so many cybernetic implants but my heart was still real and it fluttered in my chest at his words. “Thank you sir.”

“I do hope you will understand my concern for your mental wellbeing and indulge my request for you to see our ship’s counselor?”

“Very well.”

“The the other concern I have is for your physical well-being. If you are injured, is Dr. Crusher capable of managing your injuries?”

I looked down at my hands and turned them over as I studied wires and connections beneath my skin visible to my cybernetic eyes but not visible to a normal humans. When I lifted my eyes to his again I gave him a slight shake of my head. “No. Some parts of me yes, other parts would require engineering, and other cases would require both.”

“Do you object to meeting with the senior officers so we can address this now rather than after an away mission where you may need medical attention that is beyond Dr. Crusher?”

"Captain, Beverly is my closest friend. She may be the only human left that I actually unconditionally trust right now. She tells me that I can trust you, so I am taking her at her word. If you genuinely believe this is in my best interest, then I will meet with the senior officers.”

“Very good. We will meet in the observation lounge at 1800 hours. Dismissed.”

I stood and walked out of Captain Picard's ready room. Commander Data glanced up from the helm and watched as I walked up the ramp. The Klingon glared at me again so I bared my teeth at him. It seemed like the proper thing to do and actually got a quirk of a smile out of him before I entered the turbolift.


	2. Chapter 2

After meeting with the Enterprise’s senior officers and explaining my unique situation it seemed that Commander Data and Commander LaForge would be able to address any issues I had. They would have to study me and my scans to understand how my implants fused to my human anatomy but ultimately between the two of them and Beverly I could be ‘repaired’ if I were injured. Data asked a multitude of questions about my implants. The most significant of which appeared to surprise everyone.

“How did you survive?

The question even caught me by surprise. I studied my hands, folded together over the table in front of me, and deliberately pursed my lips as I considered my response. Finally with a shake of my head I looked at him. “I honestly don’t know Commander.”

He quirked his head and studied me for a moment. “Perhaps you are stronger than you believe yourself to be.”

I caught Deanna raising an eyebrow with the ghost of a smile at his words.

“Maybe you are part Klingon.” Lieutenant Worf offered.

I felt my lips quirk at that.

Captain Picard cleared his throat. “Yes, well. I think that is a discussion for another day. Data, Mr. LaForge gather the information you require to assure we can keep Ms. Carmody…” He looked at me and appeared a little uncomfortable by what he was about to say. “...in excellent function. Dismissed.”

I stood to prepare to leave the room when I saw Commander Riker frowning at the holopad in front of him. “Wait. Why does your Starfleet file have you identified as a memory unit?”

“That is a conundrum isn’t it Commander?” I replied and lifted my chin. “For all intents and purposes from Starfleet’s perspective Vivienne Carmody is dead and I am merely a robot that carries her memories.”

Data and Commander LaForge exchanged a look but didn’t say anything.

No one else said a word to me so I left the observation lounge and headed to the closest turbolift. When I was inside I didn’t know where I wanted to go. “Computer, is there a crew lounge?”

“Ten Forward.”

“Take me there.”

When I entered the lounge area it was surprisingly quiet and the area near a large observation window was completely open so I chose to sit there.

The clink of a glass on the table next to me brought me out of my thoughts and I looked up to find a lovely El-Aurian female smiling down at me. “May I sit down?”

I motioned to the chair across the table from me and she sat while pushing the drink toward me. “You look like you need it.”

“It’s not alcoholic is it? Alcohol does...odd...things to my system these days.”

The woman smiled. “No. It’s blackberry lemonade. You just looked like you could use something happy.”

I accepted the drink and sipped it. It was surprisingly good and did bring a sliver of a smile to my lips. “It’s good.” I paused as my brain stumbled over something I kept forgetting. “Thank you.”

She nodded. “I’m Guinan.”

“Viv.”

“Welcome to the Enterprise, Viv.” Guinan stood up with a smile and left just as enigmatically as she came.

__

“What’s the matter Data?”

“I am unsure Geordi. I believe I may be malfunctioning.”

“What? Why do you think that? Did you install your emotions chip again?” They were making their way to Ten Forward after the briefing on Ensign Carmody but had stopped in Engineering first.

Data gave Geordi a puzzled look. “I modified the chip so that the emotions I feel are introduced gradually.”

“So you did install it?”

“Yes Geordi. It would be difficult to continue my pursuit to be more human without being able to feel real emotion.”

Geordi shook his head. “I understand that Buddy, I just think you need to take it easy. Now why do you think you’re malfunctioning?”

“Ensign Carmody. When she came onto the bridge I felt…” Data paused and quirked his head while he considered how to describe what he had felt upon seeing her. “...I believe a human would say their heart beat faster.”

Geordi’s eyebrow rose above his visor. “You don’t...wait...how is that possible?”

“You understand why I believe I am malfunctioning then?”

“Data, isn’t the emotions chip programmed to give you the physical component of whatever emotion you’re feeling?”

“Yes Geordi.”

“Buddy, I think I need a drink for this discussion.” Geordi shook his head and stepped out ahead of his friend when the turbolift deposited them at Ten Forward.

Data paused when he noticed Ensign Carmody sitting at a table alone. She was staring into a glass which she had her hands wrapped around and looked, at least Data thought, sad. The same physical response came over him as he looked at her and he realized he was staring. He forced his attention back to Geordi who he found leaning back against the bar. Guinan was on the other side of the bar next to him, and they were both staring at him.

“What?”

“Data, I think what you’re feeling is attraction.” Geordi told him.

“Fascinating. So this is not a malfunction?”

Guinan smiled and shook her head. “No Data. How long have you had your emotion chip installed since you modified it?”

“Several weeks now.”

Geordi looked surprised. “You haven’t been acting any different.”

“I modified it to slowly weave the basis for emotion into my programming so that when I began to feel it was not all at once or such a strong reaction that I cannot process it. The reaction to Ensign Carmody today was the first sign the chip is now active.”

His companions looked at each other.

“Do you find yourself having any kind of response to anyone else in the room?” Guinan waved her hand around at the various people in the room.

Data looked around the room and shook his head. “No Guinan.”

She shrugged simply. “The simple answer is you’re attracted to Viv.”

“Viv?”

Both Guinan’s eyebrows rose. “Ensign Carmody.”

“Oh. Viv.” Data paused to think about the nickname. “It is...pretty?”

“Is that a question Data?” Guinan asked with a half smile.

“No. Should it be?”

Geordi shook his head and covered his visor with his hand. “Data I think you have a lot to learn.”

Data raised an eyebrow as he looked at Geordi. “On the subject of emotion I believe I will always have a lot to learn.”

They watched as Ensign Carmody stood and walked out of Ten Forward. As before Data noticed some disassociation in her limb movement, but despite that she held an underlying fluid grace. Her skin was pale, much like his own but had a silver cast to it, and her eyes were a pale shade of lavender. It was her hair that intrigued him the most though. She wore it loose in cascading ringlets around her shoulders but it was the iridescence of it that fascinated him. The colors changed from purple, to blue, to green, or pink and back depending on how she tilted her head or how the light hit it. Viv was, he realized, the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on.

“You got it bad there Buddy.”

“What do you mean Geordi?”

If Geordi could have rolled his eyes he would have. “Data, I think you’re going to have to figure this out for yourself.”


	3. Chapter 3

“How are you today Viv?”

I consciously lifted an eyebrow as I looked at Deanna who sat across from me in her office. “I am the same as every other day.”

She smiled and tilted her head. “I find that hard to believe. You’ve been on board the Enterprise for a month now and I’ve heard nothing but positive things about you from the crew and senior officers. You have a great compassion that shows in the performance of your duties.”

Crossing my arms over my chest I righted my posture in my chair and looked at her. “So what is it that you’re asking me then? Are you asking if I’m integrating back into a normal life after a year of being mutilated and experimented on? Are you asking if I’m coming to terms with what I am now? Are you asking if I’m still angry?”

“Well, you posed the questions. So what are the answers?”

Turning my head I studied the wall for a moment while I formulated my response. “I suppose the answer is yes to all of those questions. I’m integrating as best I can. The crew doesn’t seem at all fazed by the fact that I’m a cyborg, which surprises me considering the Borg is a looming threat now. I have no choice but to come to terms with what I am. There’s no returning to what I was, I’ve been too drastically altered for that. As to whether I’m still angry? I suppose I always will be to some degree.”

“That’s understandable. If I were altered the way you were I’d be angry too.” She was quiet a moment as she studied me. “You know it’s alright to be angry, but you also have to learn to move past it.”

I sat forward in my chair and folded my hands together between my knees. Chewing my lip I studied my hands before I responded. “Deanna, what happened to me didn’t remove the entirety of my humanity but it did dampen my ability to feel emotion. As of right now the anger I have toward my mutilators and Admiral Desak is the only emotion I can specifically identify without concerted effort. I have to relearn how to feel anything outside of that anger. If I completely let that go before learning how to feel other emotions again I’m not sure I’ll feel anything at all. That anger is my only connection to my own emotions right now.”

“I have to admit I don’t feel much of anything from you when you come to see me but the anger.” Deanna sighed and sat back in her chair while she studied me. “And you don't seem to have that anger misdirected. You're only angry at the ones who hurt you.”

“I have no reason to be angry at anyone else Counselor.”

“Are you developing friendships with anyone other than Beverly?”

“Lieutenant Worf and I get along fine.”

Deanna chuckled lightly. “I’m not surprised by that. The two of you are a lot alike.”

I quirked an eyebrow and tilted my head, as I did I could hear a slight squeal in one of the connections in my neck and I sighed. “I have a great deal in common with Commander Data and Commander LaForge, I get along with the two of them. I suppose Commander Data most of all.”

She smiled. “I see.”

  
My eyes narrowed on her knowing smirk and I felt like she knew something I didn’t.

__

I needed to find Commander Data and Commander LaForge. The squeal in my neck connections was getting worse and I could no longer ignore it. When I entered the turbolift from sick bay I hesitated. Despite knowing I needed their help it was another thing entirely to ask for it. The last time I’d been on someone’s...examination table so to speak...it had been for the purpose of removing half of my brain. My synapses were still reconnecting and the two halves still learning to work together.

“Where are Commanders Data and LaForge?”

  
“Both Commander Data and Commander LaForge are in engineering.”

Finding myself at a loss for words I stared at the panel next to the turbolift door before I finally spoke, barely above a whisper. “Take me there.”

What was I feeling? I couldn’t place it. There were crew members who came into sick bay knowing they needed medical attention but loath to ask for it because they were afraid of what might be wrong. Could that be what this was?

Was I afraid?

  
“On second thought take me to Ten Forward.”

The turbolift reversed itself and when the doors opened I was faced with a crowd of people. Guinan caught sight of me from behind the bar and I purposely put a light smile on my face as I walked over to the table where Lieutenant Worf sat by himself. Right now I needed a friend who would tell me to suck it up.

“Lieutenant?” I touched my fingers to his table and lifted my head as he stood.

  
“We are off duty. You can call me Worf.”

“I…” I paused while he looked at me and realized we were still standing. Motioning to the chair across from him I waited until he nodded then sat down, he did so as well.

Before I could speak again Guinan came to our table carrying two glasses which she sat in front of us. “Prune juice and blackberry lemonade.”

I lifted an eyebrow as I looked between Worf’s prune juice and Guinan who was turned slightly away from him and smiling. “Prune juice?”

Worf lifted his glass and looked at it. “A warrior’s drink. You should try it.”

My eyes widened of their own accord as I watched him down the prune juice. “I think I’m fine with my blackberry lemonade.”

Guinan glided off to help the rush of people standing at the bar.

Turning my head back to face him I heard the squeal again and pursed my lips as my eyes dropped to the table. I could hear a beeping in my right ear, signaling I required immediate maintenance.

“What’s on your mind Vivienne?” Worf would not call me Viv, I wasn’t entirely sure what the aversion was to my nickname but he had chosen to use my full name. Which was fine, but it sounded odd coming from a Klingon.

Sighing I lifted my eyes to look at Worf. “Do you trust Commander Data and Commander LaForge?”

His eyes narrowed slightly as he contemplated my question. “I trust them with my life. Why do you ask?”

“I am…” I found I was at a genuine loss for words to describe what I was feeling except to say I was afraid. My eyes bounced between my hands and the glass they were holding while my brain processed my thoughts. The beeping in my right ear grew more annoying. Finally I lifted my eyes to his and straightened my posture. “I require maintenance and I am…” I hesitated over what to say to the Klingon in front of me. “...concerned. The last time I was on an exam table was when cyberneticists were removing half of my brain to replace it with an implant.”

Worf worked his jaw back and forth before he stood. I noted he seemed to do that as well when he struggled with some internal issue. “Come with me.”

I simply nodded and stood up to follow him to the turbolift. When the doors closed he gruffly told the computer to take us to Engineering. He stepped out when it stopped and turned to look at me where I had frozen in place. Worf growled so I bared my teeth at him.

“I can, and I will, remove you from this turbolift if you do not come out.”

“Worf, who are you talking to?” Geordi’s voice carried my way.

“Ensign Carmody...Vivienne...said that she requires maintenance.” He looked back at me and then looked, I guessed, toward Geordi. “But she is scared.”

My mouth dropped open and I snarled at him. “I said concerned, not scared Worf.”

“She has nothing to be afraid of. I will not harm her or allow her to be harmed.” Data’s voice. At the sound of it I felt comforted but my heart rate picked up slightly. Why I couldn’t process at that moment.

“I’m not gonna hurt her either. Why would she be afraid of us?” Geordi sounded a little confused.

They were talking about me like I wasn’t there, and I suppose since I still hadn’t left the confines of the turbolift I kind of wasn’t. Worf was standing with his arms crossed over his chest and looking at me like he had every intention of removing me from the turbolift if I didn’t come out on my own. As I turned my head the squeal in my neck connections sounded again and I covered my ear to try to muffle the beeping which of course wasn’t going to work.

Finally I launched myself out of the turbolift past the scowling Klingon to stand nose to chest with Data. He reached a hand under my elbow to steady me when I stumbled, the beeping was growing more incessant. “I need...help.” I found myself strangely wanting him to put his arms around me and tell me things were going to be okay.

“This would best be handled in my lab.”

Still holding my hand to my ear I started to back away but his hand gripped my elbow and his other gently gripped my upper arm, the real one, the one I could feel.

Data bent to look me in the eyes. “I promise I will not hurt you. Not now. Not ever.”

I wasn’t sure what it was but I saw something in his eyes that shouldn’t have been there. Compassion. Righting my posture again I simply nodded at him and made my way back to the turbolift. Worf was grinning at that point so I growled at him which just made him throw his head back and laugh.

__

“Are you sure you don’t want to join us?” Geordi asked Viv as they were in the turbolift back to Ten Forward after completing her maintenance.

Viv smiled briefly and shook her head. “My heart and digestive system are still human and right now they’re at war with each other because I stressed myself over simple maintenance. I won’t be good company.”

Geordi looked at Data who was behind Viv. The android actually registered some level of disappointment at Viv’s declination of their dinner invitation. “Maybe next time?”

The turbolift stopped on her deck and she turned to look at them. “Yes, maybe next time. Thank you. All of you.” She reached a hand out to grasp Data’s and paused for a minute before exiting the lift.

Data had what Geordi could only describe as a love sick smile on his face after the doors closed. When the three of them stepped out into Ten Forward it was less crowded than when Worf and Viv were there earlier. The three made their way to an empty table and Geordi and Worf ordered food and drinks. Data chose to order his bio lubricants rather than experiment, thinking perhaps that might be something he could do with Viv.

Guinan walked over and looked pointedly at Data. “He looks like a lovesick puppy.”

“We just spent the last few hours with his crush.”

“Crush?” Worf was looking at the three of them in confusion.

Data lifted a finger and opened his mouth.

“He modified and installed his emotion chip.” Geordi offered before Data could say anything.

“So then he has feelings for Vivienne?” Worf looked directly at Geordi while Data attempted to respond again.

“He’s attracted to her.” Guinan told him.

“He should read her love poetry.” Worf offered.

“He should give her flowers.” Guinan said.

“He should take her for a walk on the beach in the holodeck.” Geordi suggested.

“Data…” Geordi finally looked to where their friend had been sitting. “Where’d he go?”

__

“Computer can you advise if Ensign Carmody is still awake?”

“Ensign Carmody is reading in her quarters.”

Data made his way to her door and ran his fingers over the call pad.

The door opened to Vivienne standing in front of him with a surprised expression. Her hair was pulled back away from her face and she was wearing a flowing dark purple dress that sat low on her shoulders. “Commander?”

“I am not here as your commanding officer.”

“Okay. Come in Data.” Viv hesitated for a moment as if trying to remember something. “Please.”

She stepped away from the door and returned to where she had been seated on her couch. He found it curious that she pulled her legs up under her and tucked her toes beneath the cushion next to her.

“Sit down. I promise you, I don’t bite.”

He raised an eyebrow and contemplated her words. “You are either attempting to convey a sense of safety by indicating you are not a danger to me, or…”

Viv shook her head and attempted a smile. “Just leave it Data.”

“Very well.” He sat down next to her. “I believe I am attracted to you. If you are willing I would like to explore this.”

She stared at him open-mouthed. “Are…are you sure? I mean, I’m not...I’m...I don’t…”

“If you object I will understand.” He started to stand up.

“No!” She put a hand out to keep him sitting next to her. “I don’t object. I feel…” Viv stopped talking and her eyes started darting back and forth. He recognized what she was doing, it was the same thing he did when he was trying to process something. She sat up and clasped his hand. “I feel the same way. But I’m surprised with your strive to be more human that you would want to explore an attraction with someone who is no longer human.”

Data tilted his head and looked at her. He wasn’t sure what drove him but he lifted his other hand and cupped the side of her jaw to run his thumb from the corner of her mouth back over her cheek. “You are still human. You are still Vivienne Carmody. And yes, it is you that I wish to explore this with.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Beverly Crusher, get back here! You are not going!”

Beverly stopped in the hallway and turned to look at me. “I’m the Chief Medical Officer!”

“And you have a son on board this ship who needs his mother.”

She pointed at me. “Don’t you bring Wesley into this.” Beverly continued walking then turned and pointed at me again. “How dare you!’”

“Damnit Beverly. Stop.”

I almost ran into her back because she stopped so suddenly.

“Beverly…” I moved to stand in front of her. “...I understand why you never send another medical officer on away teams. You’re protecting the rest of your staff.”

While she didn’t say anything, she had her lips pursed, and the way she was looking at me told me I was right.

“Right now all we know is the shuttle crashed in the middle of a secret Romulan base but we don’t know what’s there or if it’s occupied. I know you don't want to put _ any _ of your staff at risk but there is significantly less risk to me in a situation like this. This ship can’t afford to lose you. Wesley can’t afford to lose you.”

“What makes you think we can afford to lose you?”

I reached my hand out for the medical case she was carrying. Surprisingly she handed it over. “I’m expendable Beverly. You’re not.”

“You have always been the most arrogant stubborn fool I’ve ever known Vivienne!”

“Damnit Beverly…”

“Just go Viv. We’ll talk when you get back.” She turned and walked back toward sick bay.

I turned to find Commander Data and Lieutenant Worf at my back. Worf was scowling at me and Data did not look particularly happy. 

I walked into the transporter room ahead of them and stepped up onto the transporter pad. Data and Worf followed me and the former turned his head to look at me. “I believe we also need to speak upon our return.”

“Yes sir, Commander.”

Worf grumbled behind me.

“Energize.”

When we materialized at the coordinates we were given it was in the middle of a mostly barren plain. The shuttle appeared to be in one piece except for damage to it’s nose, which was suspicious in and of itself. I didn’t see anyone else around which also seemed strange. Despite that Data and Worf kept their hands on my shoulders to keep me low to the ground while they looked around.

“I have a pilot and co-pilot to check on, would you two mother hens let me go?”

They held their phasers out ready to fire on anything that moved toward us while I stood and made my way to the shuttle. When I got inside I found the co-pilot scattered through the rear hold. Something took him apart without doing any damage to the inside of the shuttle. Curious. 

I heard a groan of pain from the pilot and moved to where he sat. He had blood running from his nose and out of his mouth and his hands were holding onto a shard of metal penetrating his chest. His head turned my way and he started trying to say something. All I could do was give him a hypospray to reduce his pain. 

When I started to move away to give Data an update the pilot grabbed my arm and gasped. “Get out…”

“What?” I moved back to look at him and he lifted his other hand which had been covering something that was flashing green and appeared to be under his skin. 

“Romulan grenade…”

I tapped my combadge as I started moving to the shuttle door. “Data, Worf. Get away from the shuttle, NOW!”

As I cleared the door I heard the first telltale sounds of an explosion and launched myself toward my commanding officers. Worf and Data were far enough away to be out of range of it and as soon as they saw me Data tapped his combadge. I heard him above the other sounds around me.

“Enterprise, lock on Ensign Carmody and beam her aboard immediately.”

I felt myself dematerializing as the shuttle exploded and something hit my back. When I rematerialized I was midair and landed on the transporter pad with an  _ oof _ . “Shit.” I was laying on my stomach and definitely felt something _ in _ my back and the upper part of my butt cheeks. Balling my fist I used it to prop my forehead up and off the pad. 

Data came around to kneel in front of me. He wore an expression I didn't recognize. “Ensign, can you stand?”

I just shook my head slightly over my fist. “Nope. I think I’ll just stay here.”

I heard the click of a combadge, then Worf’s voice. “Dr. Crusher to transporter room 3 with a stretcher.”

“On my way.”

The door to the transporter room swooshed open and a pair of boots came into my view. “What happened?” Commander Riker's voice.

“Uncertain Commander. The shuttle exploded within minutes of our beaming to the surface.” Data offered before I could respond. 

“It is fortunate Ensign Carmody was the medical officer on the away team.” Worf continued. “Dr. Crusher would not have survived these injuries.” 

The door swooshed again and more boots stood in front of me. “Vivienne!” 

I groaned but lifted my head to look at her. “I'm fine, Beverly.”

“This most certainly does not look fine.”

Commander Riker appeared to be getting agitated. “Can you continue this in sickbay?”

“I think it was an ambush.” I told the First Officer as Data and Worf lifted me up to move me to the stretcher. 

“Why do you say that?” Riker remained in my view as the stretcher carried me to sickbay.

“The co-pilot was in neat pieces inside the body of the shuttle but there wasn’t any internal damage to the shuttle itself. Nothing on the walls, no blood, nothing that would cause someone to be cut apart like that. It was almost like he was taken apart by something trying to prevent him from leaving the shuttle but not designed to cause other damage. The pilot had a piece of metal sticking out of his chest, I didn’t have time to identify what it was or where it came from.” I hissed in a breath when I was moved over to a bed in sick bay.

“Are you in pain?” Beverly came around to stand in front of me. 

I rolled my eyes at her. “Nooooo. Feels great.” 

“Well your injuries haven’t affected your sarcasm.” She smiled and pressed a hypospray to my neck to reduce the pain in my back which also helped dull the rest of the pain in my body.  

“No, sarcasm is an old friend. It’s the one thing that’s remained fully intact inside my cobbled together brain.” I turned my head to look behind me when I felt one of the medical technician’s cutting down my uniform pants. “Hey! Can you not bare my ass to everyone in the room?!” Well apparently my sense of modesty was also intact, my brain didn't even hesitate to process my indignity. But it tripped over itself to remind me of something, again. “Please.”

“I believe I would second that request.”

“Data, is that a little possessiveness I hear?” Beverly asked with an amused smile as she pulled a blanket up over me.

My eyes flicked up to find Data standing in front of me.

“I am unsure of the feeling Doctor since they are new to me. However, I would speculate that because Ensign Carmody and I are now exploring a romantic relationship…”

I rolled my eyes and reached out to grasp his hand. “Data, leave it. It’s alright.” 

His eyes met mine and he nodded, then he looked up and around the room. “Perhaps Ensign Carmody should finish her report now?”

“Yes, please.”

“There was a Romulan grenade under the pilot’s skin. He wasn’t stable enough to tell me what actually happened, his only words to me were  _ get out _ and  _ Romulan grenade _ . That’s what caused the explosion. As soon as he said that I notified Commander Data and Lieutenant Worf to get away from the shuttle and I attempted to get free before it exploded.” 

“Thank you Ensign. Lieutenant Worf, Commander Data we’ll meet in the observation lounge.” Commander Riker started to walk out but Data stopped him.

“Commander, if you would permit I would like to stay here with Ensign Carmody. At least until the shrapnel is removed.”

Riker looked between myself and Data and nodded with a flicker of a smile on his face. “Of course Data. Lieutenant Worf can brief us.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Finally everyone else left sickbay except Data, Beverly, and the medical technician who was already pulling pieces of shrapnel out of my back. 

“Ow.”

“Are you in pain?” Data still held my hand.

“Feels wonderful.”

“Your utterance of  _ ow _ and subsequently telling me  _ feels wonderful _ conflict, leading me to believe you are trying to downplay how you actually feel.”

I grit my teeth when another piece of shrapnel was removed. “I’m fine Data.”

“I believe your definition of fine may differ from standard...”

“Data?”

“Yes Viv?”

“Please leave it for now.”

He was mostly quiet after that while Beverly and the medical technicians removed the rest of the shrapnel from my back and behind. I wasn’t sure if it was his presence, the second hypospray Beverly gave me, or genuine exhaustion but I fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Finally I was sprung from sickbay with strict orders from Beverly to take a few days off. 

My ass had to heal. I was not amused.

I was also wearing a set of patient scrubs because my uniform had been cut off. I was really not amused.

“You could have Data bring you something from your quarters.” 

Beverly was standing in front of me with a mischievous smile on her face. 

“I’m not sure how I feel about Data seeing my...unmentionables...yet.” I narrowed my eyes and pointed at her. “You could have gone to my quarters and grabbed something for me instead of making me wear these things.” I plucked at the blue scrubs in distaste.

“Stop acting like a petulant child Viv.” 

“We can stop at your quarters on our way to Ten Forward to meet Geordi and Worf.” Data’s voice came from behind me. 

Spinning on my heel, I looked at him. “Data! How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to hear something about unmentionables.” He looked between myself and Beverly with a curious look on his face. “What are unmentionables?”

“I’ll just leave you two.” The amusement was obvious on her face as she stepped away.

“Come on Data, let’s go to my quarters so I can change.”

“Very well.” He offered me his arm which I took as we walked. I could tell he was processing something by the way his head tilted and his eyes moved back and forth. “Unmentionables. Undergarments. Underwear. Drawers. Knickers. Panties. Trousers. Breeches. Lingerie. Blo…”

People were looking at us and I actually felt my cheeks getting warm. Lifting my hand I put my fingers to his lips. “Data, leave it please.”

His other hand reached up and pulled my fingers from his mouth. “You say that to me quite often. I fail to comprehend how I can understand our interactions if you frequently tell me to leave it. Will I not continue to make the same errors that prompt you to tell me to, as you say, leave it if you do not tell me what it is that I am doing wrong?”

We’d made it to my quarters by that point and I entered my code into the keypad to open the door. Data waited in my living area while I went into my bedroom to change. I seriously considered what he said as I changed out of the scrubs. 

When I walked back out I was wearing a flowing green dress held together by knots over my shoulders. Both of Data’s eyebrows rose as he looked me over. I picked up his hands and looked up at him. “You’re right Data. I’m sorry. It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong. In this circumstance you were defining unmentionables in the middle of the corridor and I’m just not sure that’s the proper place to be talking about your new girlfriend’s choice of lingerie.”

“That is a valid point. I will strive to be cognizant of the time and place in which I raise matters of intimacy.”

I started to say something else but he raised his hand to stop me. 

“There is a matter I would like to discuss.”

“Go ahead.”

“The argument you had with Dr. Crusher before the away mission. You said you are expendable where she is not.”

“Yes.”

“The statement elicited a new emotional response for me. I was not able to process it at the time since we were preparing to transport to the surface, and then you were injured. But after analyzing and discussing it with Counselor Troi I have come to the conclusion that I was upset by your statement. You are...special...to me.”

“You’re special to me too Data.” I paused for a second while I thought about my words. “And I’m sorry. You can ask Beverly about this, but I’ve always been…” I raised a hand and flicked it over in a cavalier gesture. “...rather oblivious to my own safety.” I stopped while my brain seemed to hang up on my words and I shook my head. “That’s not right. It’s not that I’m oblivious. I have more concern for others than I do myself. Perhaps saying I’m expendable is a bit of projection on what Starfleet did to me. I know I’m not. At least I think I do. But there’s still a part of me that still feels expendable.”

“I do not believe you are expendable.” The look on his face was serious. “I was once deemed property of Starfleet and almost forced to subject myself to being disassembled to further research into creating more androids like me. Captain Picard fought for my right to choose and argued that I am sentient and not expendable. I can assure you, from my own experience, that Captain Picard and the rest of the crew do not view you as expendable either.”

My brain and my heart seemed to be having some form of disconnect. One was running at light speed, the other seemed to have abandoned me, and I felt actual moisture in the corners of my eyes. While my eyes were cybernetic, the anatomy around them was not so it was feasible I could still cry. 

“Are you alright Viv?”

I lifted my hands from his to swipe at my eyes and when I looked at my fingers there was moisture there. Data looked concerned but I smiled at him. “I can still cry Data.” I pushed myself up on my toes to wrap my arms around his neck and rested my cheek on his shoulder.

“That makes you happy?” He put his arms around me, awkwardly resting his palms flat over my upper back.

“Yes.”

“I do not understand how crying makes you happy.”

“That’s not what really made me happy Data. Uhm…” I lifted my head to look at him. “...do you feel how I’m holding you?”

“Yes.”

“Can you be more relaxed in the way you’re holding me?”

“Of course.” He relaxed his arms and held me in a more affectionate way, even going so far as to put his nose in my hair. Could he even smell my hair I wondered.

I wasn’t sure how long we stood there like that before I finally had to step back. My own emotions were threatening to overwhelm me and I didn’t really understand everything I was feeling. Reaching out I grasped his hand and pulled him toward the door. “Come on Data, let’s go. Geordi and Worf are waiting for us.”

He nodded but hesitated before activating the door. Lifting our clasped hands he laced our fingers together and I noted the corners of his lips quirk up just slightly before his eyes raised to mine and he gestured to the door with his other hand.

__

“Come Vivienne, try some Klingon Gagh.” Worf stood when Data and Viv walked into Ten Forward.

Geordi looked up from his tamer, non-wiggling, meal, glanced over at Worf, and stood as well. 

Viv walked over to where Worf’s Gagh sat on the table, reached into the bowl, and grabbed some of the worms. Tilting her head back she dropped them in her mouth, chewed, and swallowed. Looking back to Worf she nodded. “Not bad.”

Data looked surprised and appeared to think better of whatever he was about to say. When Viv started to sit down he moved behind her chair and held it for her. She hissed in a breath as she settled down and he studied her face, she wore the same expression she did in sick bay while the shrapnel was being removed. “Are you in pain?”

She shook her head and motioned him to sit down next to her. “I’m fine Data.”

He started to sit then paused to look at her. “I am unsure whether to believe your assertion that you are fine. The last two times I have heard you say you were fine, you were actually in pain. This leads me to believe you say you are fine in order to mask your pain.”

“Oh Buddy, you have a lot to learn about women.” Geordi shook his head and stuffed a forkful of what he was eating into his mouth.    

Data tilted his head and looked between Geordi, Worf, and Viv whose eyes were narrowed on him. Guinan was watching him from across the room and he walked over to her. They watched him gesture and speak to Guinan for a minute before she disappeared.

Geordi looked at Viv. “He means well, please don’t deactivate him.”

“Geordi I wouldn’t deactivate him even if I was angry at him.” She paused and her eyes moved quickly back and forth while she considered her thoughts. “I’m not sure I’d recognize it if I was angry at him but I can promise I wouldn’t deactivate him.” Viv felt a hand at her elbow pulling her up from the chair she was sitting in. When she turned to look Data was back and he was settling a fluffy pillow onto her chair. She felt herself smiling as she looked at him and her chest felt warm. “Thank you Data.”

“You are welcome Viv.” 

Worf raised an eyebrow as he looked between the two and Geordi just smiled. 

__

Later while Data was walking Viv back to her quarters he observed she was very quiet and appeared paler than normal. Thinking perhaps scanning her without her knowledge wasn’t the best course of action he studied her face. He noted she kept swallowing and licking her lips. “Viv, are you alright? And please do not say you are fine.”

She smiled and squeezed his hand when they walked through the door of her quarters. “No, definitely not fine.” With those words she walked quickly to her bathroom where he could hear her throwing up.

He walked in behind her and activated the water receptacle then dipped a cloth into it. When she was done and deactivated the waste receptacle he helped her to stand up and offered her the cloth.

“Thank you.” She wiped her face and mouth and made her way to her bed where she crawled onto it and lay on her stomach. 

Data walked over to the food unit. “Water. Three degrees celsius.” He picked up the glass when it materialized and carried it to her nightstand where he set it down then sat next to her. 

She turned her head to face him. “It felt like they were still crawling around in my stomach.” Reaching out she gripped his thigh. “Next time Worf offers me any Gagh, remind me of this.”

“I will determine an appropriate basis to prevent you from accepting the Gagh without letting Worf know about this.”

“Thank you Data.” She closed her eyes.

“You are welcome Viv. Get some sleep.” He leaned over to press a kiss to her temple and stood up but paused at her door. “Computer, minimal illumination.”

The lights dimmed to a soft glow and he felt himself smile at the way the light made her hair shine before he left her quarters. He would store that picture of her in his memory.


	6. Chapter 6

“It just doesn’t make sense.” I was saying to Geordi and Data as we sat around Data’s console in his quarters. “Why lure us to an abandoned base just to blow up a shuttle with two crew in it?”

The Enterprise had remained in the sector where the shuttlecraft had gone down but was unable to find any evidence of Romulan activity in the area. It was like a strange anomaly that just appeared out of nowhere for absolutely no reason. Spot had taken up residence on my side of the console and was purring into my real hand, and the vibration of her purrs was tickling my flesh.

Data seemed fascinated by his cats reaction to me if his fixed gaze at said cat who had her face cupped in my hand were any clue.

Geordi just shook his head at his friend. “I don’t know Viv. It’s not exactly normal Romulan behavior but there aren’t any other planets in this sector that are hostile towards the Federation.”

“Perhaps it was mere coincidence? The Romulans may have been abandoning that base when the shuttle was passing by. It is possible they caused the crash to prevent the Federation from finding them.” Data had finally returned his focus to the conversation.

I crossed my arms over my chest and paced in front of them, noting that Data’s eyes tracked my movement with some concern. Shaking my head I paused, righted my posture, and turned to look at them both. “That just doesn’t feel right either. Something about this feels off. Like there’s more here than we’re seeing and if we miss it we’re not going to like the results.”

“Well Captain Picard has already said if we can’t find anything we have to move on to our next mission. We’re already overdue at Starbase 217.” Geordi said as he stood up and reached over to ruffle Spot’s fur. 

The cat stood up and stretched, bumped his hand with her head, and jumped down off the console. She meandered over to the food unit and meowed at it, indicating it was time for her to eat. Data started to get up but I waved him back to his seat and walked over to the unit. Looking down at Spot I thought for a minute. “Feline nutritional supplement number 63.”

When the bowl materialized I picked it up and set it down in front of Spot who began to eat ravenously. 

Data hummed in disbelief. “I was convinced she was determined to starve herself.”

“She has a simple palate Data. Salmon or chicken and she’s happy.” I smiled over at him. “You adore your cat so you want to spoil her by creating new and interesting things for her to eat.”

“I had not thought of it that way.”

My brain whirred back to something Geordi said and I looked over at him. “Did you say Starbase 217?”

“Yeah, why?”

Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth I shook my head. “Nothing.”

He shared a look with Data before making his way to the door. “I’m going to let the Captain know we haven’t found anything else. You two have a good night.”

“You too Geordi…” I mumbled as I started walking over to where Data had his violin, standing there facing it I pressed my fingers into my mouth.

“Viv…” Data called from the console where he still sat.

“Hmmmmm?”

“Are you alright?”

Turning back to look at him I shook my head. “No. That’s where my lab was.”

Data quirked his head to the side and his eyes moved back and forth as he processed that information. “The one you were taken from?”

I nodded.

He stood up and walked over to where I was, my posture slumped and uneven, my fingers worrying at my bottom lip. I knew what I was feeling. Anxiety. Starbase 217 was the last place I wanted to be. When I looked up into Data’s golden eyes the concern was evident on his face and when he opened his arms I gladly moved into him. One thing I could say, Data made a point to learn what I did and didn’t like, and I didn’t believe that was strictly a function of his programming. After that initial awkward hug he figured out how I liked to be held and that’s how he held me. For the first time in a very long time I felt safe.  

“No one is going to harm you.” His chin rested on top of my head and he was running his hands up and down my back to sooth me.

I was quiet for some time while I let the anxious feelings wash through my body. As unpleasant  as they were, at least they were feelings I recognized. Heaving a sigh out of my artificial lungs I stepped back and smiled at him. “I think I’m going to go back to my quarters and get into a hot bath. That always relaxed me when I was human, maybe it will work now.”

His eyes moved rapidly back and forth and I thought he was probably thinking of what to say as well as what he shouldn’t. “Would you still like me to come to your quarters at 1900 hours for dinner?”

“Of course, Data.”

He leaned down to press a kiss to my cheek, and for just a moment I had the sudden wish for him to really kiss me. Unfortunately if I were honest with myself, I was genuinely afraid I was incapable any longer of the response that kind of kiss should provoke. I smiled at him though, and lifted a hand to caress his cheek before I left his quarters.

__

At 1900 hours Data walked into Viv’s quarters to complete silence and near darkness.

“Computer, minimal illumination please.” Data looked around and didn’t see her. “Viv?” He didn’t get a response and made his way to her bedroom which was empty. Finally he walked through the door of her bathroom and found her asleep in the tub. 

Her iridescent hair was piled on top of her head which was resting on a cushion and her face was turned away from him. She had her arms folded over her abdomen and her left lower leg was draped up over the rim of the tub. The water, which had long lost whatever bubbles she might have used, came up a few inches below her shoulders and really left little to Data’s imagination. He was torn between wanting to respect her privacy and the need to make sure she was okay. So he focused his eyes on her face but felt something stir in himself that he vaguely remembered from once before during the Tsiolokovsky virus incident with Tasha.

“Viv?”

She didn’t make a sound. 

He reached down to curl a hand around the inside of her knee, still keeping his eyes fixed on her face, and gave her a slight shake while he said her name again. It was while he had his his fingers in the inside of her knee that he felt a bump in the center that didn’t feel like it belonged.  

Viv jerked her leg out of his grasp and sat bolt upright, sloshing water over the side of the tub. Her eyes went to his in a slight panic before she closed them and relaxed forward with her arms wrapped around her knees. “You scared me.”

That made Data feel something he couldn’t place, but didn’t like. “I am sorry. It was not my intent to scare you. I came in and your quarters were dark and you were asleep in here.”

“I think the hot water relaxed me a little too much. I don’t sleep well anymore at all and somehow I guess I drifted off.”

Data considered her words as he studied her in the soft glow of the light. She was positioned in a manner not to reveal anything intimate but he could see the bare curve of her breast and hip as well as where her lower back dipped to her buttocks. In past endeavors to stimulate emotional responses in himself he had viewed erotic imagery trying to generate sexual desire or anything like what he’d briefly felt with Tasha. Those endeavors had always failed but one thing he realized was that his preference was for imagery that revealed but didn’t. Now he understood why and why the imagery never prompted a response in him.

It was simply the wrong woman.   

Viv’s arm reached out and pointed to a large towel that hung next to the door. “Could you hand me that?”

He turned to take the towel from it's hook and heard water splashing behind him. When he turned back around Viv was standing up in the tub and he resisted the sudden urge to look down. Holding the towel up he wrapped it around her as she stepped out of the tub and moved into him. 

Data backed up a step and hesitated, unsure what he should do. On the one hand he wanted very much to kiss her and explore what he was feeling, on the other hand he wasn’t sure if that's what she would want. So he opted to do nothing at the moment. She took the ends of the towel from him and turned so she could wrap it around herself and tuck the ends in between her breasts. He was mesmerized by her, that was the only word he could use to describe the unfamiliar feeling. Her smell, the way the water glistened on her skin, the way the light reflected off her hair, the way she felt in his arms. Finally Data had to shake himself out of the fog his positronic brain seemed to be under and tried to remember what had concerned him. Oh yes. The bump.

“Viv, may I ask you something?”

She turned back around to face him with a curious look on her face. “Of course Data. Anything.”

“There is a bump on the inside of your left knee that does not feel natural. It was when my fingers touched it that you woke up. What is it?”

Her expression flattened and her eyes dropped to the floor while she appeared to be processing his question. Finally with a sigh she returned her lavender eyes to his. “That’s my kill switch. I have my programming set to alert me if it is in jeopardy of being activated.”

“You are a biological being, why would you have an off switch?

Viv shook her head. “It’s not an off switch Data, it’s a kill switch. And it’s there in case the scientists who remade me needed to get rid of me. Fortunately, for me they couldn’t return to me in time to activate it when their lab was found.”

Data tilted his head and processed her words. “So it does not function to deactivate and reactivate you?”

She shook her head. “It only works one way.”

“Is there some depression pattern to activate it?”

Another head shake. “Press it once, I’m gone.”

“Perhaps we could deactivate and remove it?”

“No. That activates it I’m afraid.”

“Then we will just have to reprogram it to a complex pattern that cannot accidentally activate it.”

A nod this time coupled with a strange look that Data didn’t recognize. Viv shifted her hips and her eyes narrowed as she looked away from him a moment seeming to process something. When her gaze returned to his the color of her eyes had darkened. “Data…”

He found himself suddenly unable to form a coherent sentence so he just nodded.

“Kiss me.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter is smutty

Perhaps it wasn’t the best timing, considering we had just been discussing my kill switch, but the feelings I was having since getting into the bath over an hour ago were growing more insistent. Data looked confused when I asked him to kiss me but his hesitation lasted mere nanoseconds before his lips were on mine and his hands were gripping my shoulders to pull me up to him. I flattened my hands over his chest and let the intoxicating feelings wash over me. Sex wasn’t something I’d engaged in much before my alterations. Most men were intimidated by me so I just didn’t bother to try.

Data on the other hand was not. He was just as baffled by what we were feeling for each other as I was. Certainly for different reasons but he at least understood my need to go slow and process. I was hoping in this moment he would understand my need for a deeper connection even though I wasn’t entirely sure where the feeling was coming from or why it was suddenly so urgent.

The kiss was passionate and where I could not replicate feelings of sexual desire earlier in the bath all of a sudden I felt a rush of wet heat between my legs. Okay, I thought to myself, that was intact but could I still orgasm?

For that matter. Could Data?

When his lips left mine his eyes were hooded and he looked like he wanted to devour me. There was no other way to describe the hungry, needy look he was giving me. But the cybernetic half of my brain whirred to life and forced me to ask the practical questions I was pondering earlier. “Data, can I ask you something?”

He nodded. “Of course.”

“Are you…” I motioned my hand toward his crotch and his eyebrows slowly drew down over his eyes as he followed my hand. “...able to…” Why couldn’t I ask him this I thought and inwardly cringed. “...perform sexually?”

Data’s eyes lifted back to mine. “I am fully functional and programmed in multiple techniques. Though I have not experienced sex since before reprogramming and installing my emotions chip. My previous experience was under a polywater virus that intoxicated my system.” 

Raising an eyebrow I realized I didn’t want to ask any more questions and instead pressed myself into him again and explored his mouth with mine. It was awkward at first. My brain kept tripping over itself to remember what to do and Data was, for all intents and purposes, inexperienced despite his programming. He learned fast though, as one would expect, and it didn’t take long before his lips and tongue were exploring more than my mouth. 

When one of his hands pulled the towel up so it could caress my ass I felt a familiar clenching sensation in my core and moaned softly.

“That is a very stimulating sound.” Data whispered against the skin of my collarbone and I suddenly realized we were still standing in front of my tub.  

“Data…” 

“Yes?” His lips were in the bend of my neck and I was starting to feel weak in the knees. 

I almost felt like Data was some kind of drug that my system was high was on. It was a heady feeling and one I was definitely not familiar with. “Can we take this to my bed?”

He straightened very suddenly and looked at me in mild concern. “Are you sure that is what you want?”

All I could do was nod, any words I might have had left me at the look on his face. I’d never had a man look at me the way he was in that moment. Like I was the only thing in the world he wanted. Turning away from him I made my way to the bedroom leaving it up to him to follow me or not. When I climbed up on the bed I pulled the towel from around me and tossed it to the chair across the room then reclined back on the bed to face the door. 

Data walked through the door as he was pulling his uniform shirt over his head and paused to stare when he realized I was naked. Knowing him he probably didn’t let his eyes wander when I was in the bathroom because he considered me vulnerable. Seeing him shirtless for the first time I had to give a nod to his creator for making him anatomically correct and giving him a build that was not overdone but was pleasing to the eyes. He was lean with defined muscle lines through his chest, abdomen, and arms and the pale gold was consistent throughout his body. When he removed his pants I had to swallow hard for a second. He was neither small nor what I would deem huge, but he was certainly well endowed and totally anatomically correct. There even appeared to be a bead of pre-cum at the head of his cock which surprised me but he did say he was fully functional.

He hesitantly approached the bed and when he kneeled on it he seemed to need time for his brain to process what his eyes were seeing. His eyes swept over me and I felt myself get wetter as his expression grew increasingly lustful. Finally, he laid down next to me and pulled me to him so we were both on our sides facing each other. Data reached out and his hand swept from my shoulder down my side to rest on my hip before he leaned in to kiss me again. I lifted my leg to rest over his hip and felt his fingers tremor slightly on my skin. Everything in that general region was still my own anatomy, nothing had been replaced so everything he touched was truly me.

I reached out and put my hand over the side of his chest to feel what served as his musculature and rib cage. He really didn’t feel any different than a human and to be very honest if I hadn’t known who he was before meeting him I never would have guessed he wasn’t humanoid. His hand left my hip and I felt his fingers ghosting over the flesh of my outer thigh before reaching around behind me and under my leg to brush a knuckle over the lips of my pussy. That prompted another soft moan from me and I felt myself soak his fingers as he began exploring my folds with the pads of them. 

Data hummed as he explored me with his fingers and mouth and I reached down to grasp his cock. He felt warm to my hand, the skin was soft but he was indeed hard, and there was definitely fluid leaking from the head. I heard him suck in a breath when my hand closed around him and he let out barely audible exclamations of ‘Ah’ as I stroked him. To be completely honest touching him and having him touch me the way we were was the most sensual experience of my life. When I reached under the base of his cock to caress his balls his body jerked in response and he whined before quickly rolling me to my back and hovering over me. 

His eyes searched mine as I bit my bottom lip and my heart hammered in my chest. Despite my response to him I still didn’t know if  _ I _ was fully functional and there was a little fear that I’d disappoint him. “Are you alright? Have I hurt you?”

Shaking my head I smiled up at him. “No. I’m just afraid of…” I hesitated to give life to my thoughts for fear that might make them come true but he deserved to know what I was thinking and why. “...disappointing you. So much of me was severed and altered…” I motioned toward my pelvis. “...that was not but I don’t know if I still have the ability to respond the way I should.”

“Orgasm you mean?”

“Yes.”

“There is only one way to find out.”

“I know, Data. I’m just nervous. I really don’t want to disappoint you.”

His gold eyes softened on my face. “You could not disappoint me but we do not have to do this.”

I smiled again and caressed his cheek. “I want to.” With those words I wrapped my legs around his waist and shifted my hips while he did the same until the head of his cock was at my entrance. 

There was a rush of sensation at the feeling of my soft wet flesh cradling the head of his hard cock. I sucked in a breath and hummed as he shifted his hips again and this time slid slowly inside of me. My inner walls stretched to fit around him and I felt another rush of wet heat flood over him and soak the sheets beneath me without warning while I tightened down around him. It was almost like an orgasm before an orgasm and left me breathless and moaning softly but steadily when he started rocking his hips.

My hands couldn’t seem to decide what to do and kept running over his back as he moved. Gripping here or there, clenching and unclenching, clawing when the head of his cock brushed over my g spot. The way he thrust his hips not only hit my g spot with each stroke but also rubbed my clit in just the right way. Soon enough, too soon really, I felt like my body melted and exploded at the same time. I felt warm, tingly, the muscles of my limbs tightened, and then I shuddered under Data over and over while I arched my back and moaned. Needing closer contact I pulled myself up into him until there wasn’t any space between our bodies while my core continued spasming around Data’s still thrusting cock. Finally, he buried his face in my neck and groaned while I felt him begin to shake and pulse inside of me.      

Long moments later, when our bodies mostly calmed and we were able to move and think again he kissed my lips then my forehead and rolled back to his side. I rolled to my side as well to face him and leaned my forehead on his chest. His fingers stroked through my hair as we laid there together. 

“I think you have your answer.”

I giggled at his penchant for stating the obvious. It was actually endearing to me. Nuzzling my lips against the hollow of his throat I pressed a kiss there and smiled. “Hmmmm...Yes perhaps I do.”

“That was an…” Data paused while he searched for the word he wanted to describe what we’d just done. “...incredible experience.”

Lifting my head so I could look in his eyes I gave him an alluring smile. “Shall we do it again?”

Data grinned and nodded in response.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There is a tiny amount of dialogue from In Theory episode 25 from season 4 in this chapter, though it is broken between Worf and Data and not about the same person. As well as a line from Qpid episode 20 from season 4. If you have seen the episodes you will recognize the dialogue. Just FYI also, some things that occur in this fic will be out of order of the actual episodes.

It had been several months since the shuttle explosion. Nothing happened at Starbase 217, I didn’t even leave the Enterprise while we were there. Once Captain Picard realized how anxious I was about being near my former lab he ordered me off duty and suggested I remain in my quarters. He posed it as an order but the truth of it was the Captain was worried about me which I found strangely paternal.

I still felt like something was looming but didn’t know what. Despite that I was determined not to allow it to become my primary focus and disturb the contentment I’d found aboard the Enterprise.

“You seem especially...happy...today.” Worf watched me in the mirror in front of us as we worked through the Mok’bara movements.

I wrinkled my nose and glanced his way. It hadn’t even occurred to me that I might be acting different but when I considered it I realized he was right. “Well I suppose that I am.”

“So the relationship between you and Commander Data is going well?”

Considering that Data and I had been spending all of our free time together exploring the changes in our relationship and how we felt I’d say it was. I didn’t quite say that to Worf though. “It is. He accepts me for what I’ve become and that’s made it easier to accept myself.”

Worf hesitated for a second before humming and nodding. “Good. I value my friendship with him and would not want to jeopardize that.”

That made me chuckle. “What exactly does that mean?”

He seemed to realize he’d said that out loud and looked at his own reflection instead of at me. “Nothing.”

We were both quiet while we continued our practice and Worf readjusted some of my stances. The regular Mok’bara practice was improving the fluidity of my movement and I no longer felt like a newborn giraffe trying to get all of its limbs working together.

“I saw you talking to Lieutenant Dishor in Ten Forward a few days ago.” I grinned at him in the mirror in front of us but he did not look amused.

“I was being polite and said hello. She is new to the Enterprise.”

Rolling my eyes I shook my head. “Worf, she’s been on board almost as long as I have. And you were  _smiling_.”

His eyes narrowed on me then went back to his own reflection while his jaw worked back and forth. “I smile.”

“I  _know_  you. You don’t just stop at someone’s table to be polite and say hello. And if you did, you definitely don’t smile about it.”

He ignored me.

Raising an eyebrow I cocked my head to the side and studied him. He actually looked embarrassed. “Come on Worf, shall we work on some hand to hand?”

The Klingon next to me growled and I bared my teeth at him. He shook his head and I caught what looked like a chuckle he hid behind a huff before he waved me back to the mat behind us. As we circled each other I watched him visibly relax. Deanna had been right when she said Worf and I were a lot alike.

“If you must know I find her intriguing.”

I knew that getting him to focus on hand to hand practice would open him up. “I’d say she finds you intriguing as well.”

That peaked his interest. “Do you think so?”

Nodding my head I ducked under one of his swings and we continued circling each other. “Maybe Data could ask her to join us for dinner in Ten Forward tonight?”

He stood up straight, his focus no longer on our hand to hand practice. “That would be…” The Klingon paused while he considered his words. “...agreeable.”

“Worf, what is the first thing you taught me in hand to hand practice?”

“Focus.”

His eyes widened in surprise when I moved forward, grabbing his arm as I did so, and flipped him on his back to the mat. Data walked in just as I put my bare foot into the middle of Worf’s chest and smiled down at my friend.

“I have conquered the Klingon!” I put my fists in the air triumphantly and glanced up to see Data’s lips purse as he shook his head.

I felt Worf’s hands around my other calf before I was flipped onto my back on the mat next to him.

Data walked over to look down at me with a raised eyebrow and offered his hand. “I believe the Klingon has conquered you.”

Accepting the offer of help I let him pull me to my feet. “Hello Data.” I looked at his face and my brain smacked me with something. Pushing up on the balls of my feet I pressed a kiss to his lips.

He steadied me with a hand to my hip and smiled against my lips just as I broke the kiss. “Hello to you as well. I thought I would walk with you to your quarters before dinner.”

“Actually is Eya off duty?”

“No, she had some testing to complete on the main sensor array and then will be off duty. Why?”

“Would you find her first and ask her to join us tonight?”

“Of course.”

Worf was standing there watching us, looking stoic as ever, until Data turned to him.

“Will you be pursuing a relationship with her then?”

That got Data a growl and Worf glanced up in the air for a second before responding. “Klingons do not pursue relationships. They conquer that which they desire.”

Data simply nodded. “Will you be conquering her then?”

Poor Worf huffed and worked his jaw back and forth. “Perhaps.” He glanced between the two of us. “IF she wishes to be conquered.”

“Very well.” Data stepped closer to Worf and looked completely serious. “I would remind you that Lieutenant Dishor serves under my command. If she were mistreated, I would be very displeased.”

Worf very visibly rolled his eyes at Data’s words before letting out a loud sigh and fixing him with an annoyed glare. “I understand...Sir.”

I wasn’t sure what was going on between the two and was sure my confusion registered on my face. Grabbing Data’s forearm I pulled him along behind me after saying goodbye to my annoyed friend. When we were in the hall and headed towards the turbolift I looked at Data who seemed pleased with himself. “ _WHAT_  was that all about, Data?”

The turbolift doors closed after we stepped inside and I gave the computer our destination. He gave me a speculative look for a second before responding. “When we began our relationship Worf told me much the same thing. Except it was as your friend rather than your commanding officer.”  

That gave me pause. Before my kidnapping and alterations, while boyfriends had been a rarity, I did have several friends who I felt close to. Afterwards? When people learned what happened to me they believed Starfleet Commands assertion that I was simply a memory unit and not the real Lieutenant Commander Vivienne Carmody. None of those friends wanted anything to do with me after that. Except for Beverly.

Granted, I recognized that since coming on board the Enterprise I was establishing bonds with people. Some had been easier than others. I just hadn’t realized how deep some of those bonds had grown.

“Viv, are you alright?” Data and I were standing in front of my open door and I hadn’t even realized we’d reached my quarters.

I smiled at him as my brain calmed it’s whirring and we walked inside. “Yes Data. I actually think I am.”

His eyes quirked briefly while he considered my words and seemed to want to say something but changed his mind. Instead he reached out to grasp my hand and give it a light squeeze then tapped his combadge. “Commander Data to Lieutenant Dishor.”

“Dishor here.”

“When you have completed your duties would you meet myself, Ensign Carmody, and Lieutenant Worf in Ten Forward?”

Total silence.

I stifled a chuckle, Eya was probably trying to figure out what we were up to.

“Is Carmody there with you?”

Data eyebrows quirked up as I looked at him. His expression registered his confusion.

“I’m here Eya.”

“ _Did you tell him?_ ”

“No. But I think he finds you intriguing.”

Silence again.

I pursed my lips to suppress a smile and looked at Data whose eyes were narrowed on me.

“I am finished with the sensor testing. Do I at least have time to go to my quarters and change first?”

“Yes.”

“Dishor out.”

“Why are you...playing matchmaker...Viv?” Data followed me into my bedroom and watched me remove my uniform shirt. His eyebrow went up at the lace bra I wore underneath.

“We don’t have time.” I gave him a shameless grin then forced my brain to consider what he said while I changed into a gauzy cerulean blue dress that reached mid-thigh on me. “I suppose it’s the human thing to do?”

“Why do I suspect it is more than that?”

I shrugged.

__

“It was not amusing.” Worf looked indignant and had his arms folded over his chest at the reminder of his time spent as Will Scarlett in Q’s version of Robin Hood. He glared at the red-headed Bajoran woman across the table from him.

Eya was smiling, one eyebrow raised, her nasal ridges bunched up in amusement as she tipped her head back to look at him. She sat forward and leaned toward Data suddenly. “What did he say again?”

“I am not a merry man.” Data repeated slowly then looked at Viv, he was positive his confusion was etched clearly on his face.

“What’s wrong with being merry, Worf?” Sitting up and folding her arms over her chest to match Worf’s body language Eya grinned at him.

He widened his eyes on her and huffed. “I am a Klingon, a warrior, we are NOT merry.”

“Oh come now, Worf, son of Mogh, I’ve seen plenty of Klingons laugh and carry on. You’re just rigidly proper.”

“You are just trying to provoke me.”

“Is it working?”

Worf worked his jaw back and forth again and finally grinned. “Maybe.”

Data was looking back and forth at them, utterly clueless as to what was going on when Viv reached out to take his hand. When he looked her way she motioned her head to the door. Fortunately he caught her meaning and stood while pulling her up by the hand. “I am afraid we must leave you, it is time for us to feed Spot.”

Eya gave Data a side-eyed look and he thought Worf looked both scared and eager at the same time. A feeling Data thought he could understand. When the turbolift doors closed he turned to look at the woman next to him.

“Should you be...provoking me?”

The look on Viv’s face started out mildly curious but as she considered his question he could see her processing the meaning behind it. “I don’t believe so? Why do you ask?”

“That seems to be a common factor in many relationships I have observed over the years. The female partner says or does something to provoke the male partner which produces a variety of responses.”

Viv smiled at him then and tilted her head slightly. “I think that is more about how men and women communicate with each other more than anything else. And in the case of Worf and Eya, how Klingons and Bajorans communicate.”

When the turbolift doors opened and they started walking to Data’s quarters he noted her still watching him. She was quiet until they were through his door and Spot ran to them meowing loudly for her dinner. Data bent down to pet his cat and consider her dinner choices.

“Would you like me to?” Viv’s hands were at her hips as she watched them. “Provoke you that is.”

Data pursed his lips and really gave some thought to her question. “It could certainly add some interesting elements to our relationship.”

She hummed and nodded. “Alright Data.”

The thought was both stimulating and unnerving when he reflected on it later as he worked alone at his console. He wondered, for a fraction of a nanosecond, if he should tell Viv that he changed his mind.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Borg capture of Picard is mentioned, flashback to Viv's mutilation

The Borg had a mission and they almost succeeded. Find Captain Picard and turn him into Locutus, meant to be an intermediary for assimilation of human life. 

Of course what they hadn’t counted on was the Enterprise’s loyalty to their Captain and determination to get him back. 

It was a startling loss for the Borg. One they would not soon forget.

Unfortunately, it was something Captain Picard was not likely to forget or overcome anytime soon either.

I understood better than anyone on board the Enterprise exactly how he felt.

Beverly and Deanna were worried about him. He was haunted, a shell of himself. I reminded them both of how I was when I first joined the crew. The similarities were too obvious.

So it was that I came to ride the turbolift to the bridge to have a chat with Captain Picard. Let him know that with time he would heal, even though the experience would change the very fabric of who he was. Remind him that he had survived and would be a stronger man for it. 

Hopefully, give back to him some of the hope he had given me when I first came on board and was lost.

This time when I exited the turbolift I raised my chin to Worf when he looked my way. He greeted me in kind. Turning to walk down the ramp to the Captain’s ready room I felt everyone’s eyes on me. I was already anxious. So for a semi-human still having difficulty with my emotions outside of people I knew well, it was unnerving.

I paused when I stood next to Data’s station and looked over at him. Despite my conviction that what I was about to do was necessary I was still a bundle of nerves. He simply sat up a little straighter in his seat and held his head high. Reminding me in his own way that I was strong and he supported me.

Taking a deep breath I moved to the ready room door and lightly touched my fingertips to the call pad.

There were several seconds of uneasy silence before an annoyed, “Come,” sounded from inside.

When I stepped into the room I found Captain Picard sitting at his desk looking somewhat lost. The spot on his temple from the Borg implant which had been removed was still healing. It would eventually smooth over and be nothing but a memory.

Strangely, I found myself feeling something akin to envy that he was able to return to his human self so fully after his ordeal. It wasn’t a feeling I was proud of, but it was familiar at least. I would file it away to analyze later.

“Ensign Carmody,” he almost looked annoyed. “I don’t suppose that Dr. Crusher and Counselor Troi sent you did they?”

“No, sir. Actually, I…” Unsure of myself, I paused and bit my lip, before the cybernetic side of my brain took over and pushed me forward. “...came on my own. I thought I might be of some help to you as you once were to me.”

He opened his mouth as if to retort then shut it just as quickly and looked away. We were silent for a long time before the Captain stood and moved over to the food unit where he hesitated. Glancing back at me he offered a half-hearted smile. “Would you like some tea?”

I returned his smile. “I would love some tea.”

It was the first time I had accepted his offer and he raised an eyebrow. 

“The same as you have is fine.”

He nodded and turned to the food unit. “Tea. Earle Grey. Hot. Two.”

The unit synthesized his request and he picked them up. He motioned me to join him on the couch where he sat down with our tea and handed me one of the cups as I sat next to him. I’d never been a fan of tea, but the warmth felt good on my hands and it was something I could share with my distraught Captain.

“So are we going to sit here drinking our tea in silence while pretending you aren’t here to talk about what the Borg did?”

I leaned forward and sat my cup on the table in front of us before folding my hands over my knees. “Permission to speak freely, sir?”

The sigh he expelled was resigned. He knew what was coming. “Permission granted, Ensign.”

With a hum I flicked my eyes between my hands and his own. “Can we treat this just as a conversation between friends?”

Captain Picard pursed his lips before relaxing his posture just a little bit and nodding. “Very well.”

It was my turn to be quiet while I turned my thoughts over in my head. The two sides of my brain almost felt like they were fighting for control. One trying to force out logic while the other threatened to overwhelm me with emotion I didn’t think I could handle. 

Finally when I could bring myself to speak my voice was thick with emotion. “I know how you feel. It’s a devastating blow to one’s psyche to be forcibly taken, altered, and used as a tool to destroy your own way of life.” 

It was a slightly different story than mine but not by much. 

“Yes.” He took a drink of his tea and sat back, lost in his thoughts. Frankly, I didn’t think he’d share any of what he was thinking or how he felt but he surprised me. “When I’m awake, I find I cannot concentrate on anything I normally use to distract myself. My mind is so quiet, it feels empty. When I sleep there are all of these...” His hands gestured to where his implants once were. “...feelings of being trapped in my own body while I watch myself being turned into Locutus.”

I swallowed down the bile at the back of my throat. I’d been having those same feelings and fleeting memories lately. Being inside that Borg ship when we made efforts to rescue him brought the reason for my own alterations into shocking reality. Something I’d never faced before.

Data had to wake me from more than one nightmare where I was reliving something and screaming in terror and pain. 

Reaching out I placed my hand on his forearm and tried my best to look braver than I felt in the moment. This wasn’t about me, I was there to give the Captain support. “I know Jean-Luc. I can’t promise those feelings will ever completely go away but over time they will fade and be replaced by the knowledge that you survived and are stronger for it. Beverly, Deanna, Will, they all care about you. So does the rest of the crew. They’re worried about you. I’m worried about you. ”

He sighed heavily, “I am aware, and I know Beverly wants me to go home. Be with family for a while. Remember why I chose this life in the first place I suppose.”

“That sounds like a good idea actually.”

His piercing blue eyes focused on me then. “Did you go home?”

“No.”

“Are your parents still alive?”

I knew what he was doing and I wasn’t about to let him reverse the focus to me. “Jean-Luc you’re deflecting. This is about you.”

The smile on his face as he chuckled actually looked light-hearted. “Perhaps it’s more about both of us then you realize.”

Rolling my eyes, I sighed. Leave it to the Captain to effectively deflect a difficult conversation centered on him.

__

_ I was exhausted. Hungry. Thirsty. Terrified out of my mind. Pushed beyond what I thought a human body could take I wondered when it would all end.  _

_ Who was I kidding? I craved that ending. _

_ Nothing worked right anymore. Everything hurt. I had pain where I no longer had limbs. There was pain at the connections between metal and bone. All I had was pain. _

_ Neverending excruciating pain. _

_ My eyes opened when I felt fingers parting my hair. There was one of the scientists who had been conducting the implantation experiments standing over me. It was his fingers that I felt. There was something metal being clamped to my temples and I was unable to move my head even to turn it. _

_ The top of my scalp felt tingly. Like all the nerve endings were exposed and cold air was blowing on them. It was by far the oddest feeling I’d ever encountered. _

_ “Which hemisphere?” _

_ “Does it matter? She’s an experiment.” _

_ “Well, if she survives this and we keep her she’ll be more manageable if we removed the right side of her brain.” _

_ “What difference does that make?” _

_ “Idiot. It’s the primary center of emotion.” _

_ When I realized what they intended I started pulling at the clamps holding me to the exam table but it was no use. They had the table at a forty-five degree angle and I was secured firmly to it. The smell of blood and bone reached my nose and I felt fingers inside my head.  _

_ A blood curdling scream reached my ears and I wondered who else they’d captured to turn into a nightmarish human-robot experiment. _

_ My eyes lost focus and I felt myself starting to shake.  _

_ The screaming started again and I realized it was me. _

__

She was screaming again and Data was really starting to worry for her. These night terrors, as Counselor Troi described them when he asked, didn’t start until their recent encounter with the Borg ship that took Captain Picard. 

“Viv!” His hands shook her gently while she thrashed on his bed. At least she’d agreed to sleep in his quarters after these started so he could be there during times like this. When her eyes popped open she jerked to a sitting position and looked around frantically.

“Data?” Her eyes were wide and he watched the cybernetic irises as they zoomed out then readjusted their focus to fix on him.

Viv’s hands went to his shoulders as she looked around like she was searching for something.

“You are safe, no one else is here.” He moved his hands to thread his fingers into her hair with his palms cupping her cheeks.

Finally she looked at him again and her rigid posture relaxed just slightly. She scooted down the bed until she could lean fully into him and he put his arms around her. “I’m sorry.”

Data was unclear why she was apologizing to him. He rubbed his hands over her back in the way he knew comforted her. “Why are you sorry? You did not do anything wrong.”

She was silent for a long time until she finally relaxed completely into him and he lay back with her on the bed. “I know. I just can’t shake what the Borg did to Captain Picard or the knowledge that I was essentially destroyed and remade to try and find a way to fight them.”

He considered her words for a moment, his positronic brain going over all of the possible ways he could respond. “I wish I could take the pain away for you, Viv.”

Turning her face to nuzzle his neck she hummed. “Just the fact that you’re here with me chasing my demons away is enough, Data.”

“Demons…” He searched for what she might mean before asking and came across something that made sense. “Ah. The nightmares?”

Viv laughed lightly and smoothed down the black fabric over his chest. “Yes, the nightmares.” Her fingers pinched at some imaginary thing on his shirt and then he felt her tears on his skin.

“I promise I will always do my best to chase them away for you.” His thumb brushed the moisture under her eye away.

“I know.” She whimpered into his chest and it was one of the most pitiful sounds he had ever heard.

Data hurt for her. 

“When I went to see Captain Picard today I found myself jealous of him.”

“I do not understand.”

She shifted in his arms and moved herself up the bed until her face was next to his. “Once he was separated from the collective his implants could be removed without any harm to him. He’s human again, Data.” Her eyes searched his and he watched her bite her lip. “I can never get that back. His mind will take time to heal but he’s not a mish mash of parts like I am.”

Once again he put his hand to her cheek and she closed her eyes while nuzzling his palm. “I have said this before, but you are still human. You are still Vivienne Carmody and you are the bravest and strongest woman I know.”

“You’re biased, Data.”

He pressed a kiss to her lips. “Perhaps. Now go back to sleep. You have not slept well since the Captain was rescued.”

“As long as you hold me.”

“I will hold you all night if it allows you to sleep.”

That’s exactly what he did.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my work kudos are appreciated. If you love it comments are wonderful. If you have constructive criticism or questions let's talk. If you leave blatantly rude or negative comments, know that no hate is allowed here and will be deleted. And if you read my work and are too shy to interact right now, know that's okay too.
> 
> I can be found on Tumblr at too-many-fanfiction-fandoms where I sometimes take requests.
> 
> Just a general A/N regarding all of my work: Please understand that I update when writing inspiration hits. I never intend on abandoning an unfinished fic, so know that if I do I'll eventually get back to it when inspiration strikes again.


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